Evil Genius
by Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform
Summary: A short story I wrote years ago about an Evil Genius who manages to capture John Steele and finish his Doomsday Device. An intentionally cliched story involving fluffy cats, crotch cutting lasers and sexy CIA agents with suggestive names.


The following one-shot fanfic was written many years ago by myself. It features an original Evil Genius and an evil organisation called the Society of Abject Evilness, which renames itself to the Super Powered Occasionally Nerdy Gun-toting Evil-doers (S.P.O.N.G.E). You don't have to tell me that it's a bad joke. Anyway, clichés and villainous mischief abound in this campy tale of crotch-cutting lasers and doomsday devices!

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_Contained herein is the account of William T.D Keeper…_

_Dr. William T.D Keeper  
Also known as The Man From...  
_"S.P.O.N.G.E"

_And Evil Genius extraordinaire!_

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**Evil Genius**

It began, like most things, with an over-dressed Englishman talking:

"Keeper, you're totally mad!" said John Steele, British Secret Service, as he squirmed under his metal restraints. "Do you expect me to talk?"

For Agent Steele, the diamond-cutting laser was growing ever closer, and the smell of the metal table melting was starting to overwhelm him…

"No Mr. Steele," replied Dr. Keeper, stroking his fluffy white cat. "I expect you to die. And I'm expecting quite a show; so don't disappoint me now! **_Mwa-hahaha!_**"

"Aren't you at least going to tell me your plan for world domination?" asked the agent, eyeing the ever-closer cutting laser

"Well I see no reason why not…" mumbled Dr. Keeper. This explanation would be made not for Agent Steele, but simply for the sake of Keeper's large ego. "Using the power of the Graviton Ray just behind me, I will fire a beam of gravity straight at the moon, a beam strong enough to send it crashing down into the northern hemisphere!"

More diabolical laughter followed. Mwa-hahaha!

Dr. Keeper stroked his cat again, which purred and mewed in appreciation. After he had finished with his bout of maniacal laughter, he had one last thing to say to Steele:

"It's set to fire in five minutes! The only thing that could stop it now would be for somebody to flip the self-destruct switch in the control centre overlooking the Graviton Ray hanger!"

"You mean the control room right above us?" asked Steele

"Yes that's right," replied Dr. Keeper

"I see…" pondered the secret agent. The cutting laser would make contact in approximately fifteen seconds

"Not that it'll do you any good now, Mr. Steele! And as long as the power box next to my Graviton Ray stays intact…" the Doctor gave an evil smile. "…Then for you, things will soon be getting a little bit, hot-under-the-collar? **Mwa-haha! **_Ha… ha_…"

Dr. Keeper stopped, mid laugh. "How come none of the henchman or hanger guards joined in?"

The diamond-cutting laser immediately shut off, barely a few centimetres away from Steele's groin

"Looks like you're in a spot of bother yourself Mr. Keeper," said Steele, grinning.

"What the…?" Dr. Keeper spun around, and saw his henchman tied up and out-of-action. A large group of Delta Force operatives stood in front of the Graviton Ray, led by a sexy and exotic female CIA agent. The commandos had somehow managed torappel down from the camouflaged blast doors on the hanger roof, which had only just been opened to let the Graviton Ray fire

"Isadore! Agent Penny Isadore! You've come to my rescue!" said Steele "Penny, I thought you were dead."

"I'd thought the same about you John," replied the sexy secret agent "Why don't we loosen those bonds a little?"

Dr. Keeper heard a click behind him, and he knew that Steele's bonds had been deactivated via the control panel. Keeper's cat jumped out of his hands and ran away.

"Well you're all too late! Nothing can stop the Graviton Ray now!" yelled out an ever-defiant Dr. Keeper. "Nothing!"

Steele took the chance to leap on Keeper and wrestle him to the ground "Not even the self-destruct button in the control room?" said Steele as he grappled with Keeper.

"You'll… never… get… there in time… Steele" said Keeper, through gritted teeth.

At this point that Keeper's yellow boiler-suited minions burst in, from all entrances onto the second floor walkways. They all carried assault rifles.

"Drop your weapons!" shouted one of the Delta Force operatives, but Keeper's henchman all answered that request by opening fire. Row upon row of red and yellow-suited minions fired at the elite U.S soldiers. The Delta Force soldiers took cover behind the Graviton Ray, miscellaneous crates and anything else they could find.

As he struggled against Steele, Dr. Keeper hissed, "You'll never win Steele. No matter what you do, I can build more bases, and my henchman only have to keep you busy for eight more minutes!"

"You're wrong Keeper" countered Steele, in his thick accent. "It's you who doesn't stand a chance"

"Oh, you'll never take me alive Mr Steele," said Dr. Keeper. He elbowed Steele and broke free, running for the door.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Steele. But it was too late. The door sealed shut behind Dr. Keeper, the locking mechanism activated and then shot from the other side.

"Damn it!" exclaimed a frustrated Steele.

"Forget about him John!" Agent Isadore shouted to him, over the intense gunfire. "We've got five minutes to stop the Graviton Ray! You get to the control room, we'll keep them busy here!"

"Good thinking Miss Isadore!" shouted Steele

Dr. William Keeper sprinted through the corridors, against the tide of yellow-suited minions that were rushing to the hanger to stop the intruders. He shoved his way past the guards, making his way to the submarine pen

"Damn, I've been caught completely unprepared! It won't happen again!" Keeper said to himself. "All of you! Get out of my way! Evil genius coming through!"

As he was making his way past the now mostly empty corridors, the automatic loudspeaker system came to life:

"**Self-destruct sequence activated**." said the deep metallic voice. "**All personnel evacuate the base**."

So Steele had done it? _Tut, tut_. Keeper thought about the fallen minions with some sadness. It wasn't like those minions were free you know.

On way to the sub pen he made sure he grabbed enough of his remaining minions to help him use the submarine. They'd also be needed for constructing the next Evil Lair as well.

Dr. Keeper and the minions he'd gathered on the way reached the sub pen. Keeper had been running so fast he'd had to skid to a stop, and had nearly crashed into the security doors. He quickly entered the access codes.

As the doors to the sub pen opened the entire underground complex was rocked by a massive explosion, coming from the Graviton Ray hanger.

"**Self-destruct in five minutes**."

"Alright people!" shouted the Doctor to his remaining workers "Get into the nuclear submarine!"

By the time everyone had hurried across the pen and into the submarine, the self-destruct had already reached the one-minute mark.

Doctor Keeper closed the submarine hatch.

"Let's the get the hell out of here!" was the last order he gave inside the base

"Ay ay Mr Keeper sir!" responded one of the minions, in a strangely Scottish accent

"That's **DOCTOR**, thank-you-very-much," corrected Keeper

"Apologies _Doctor_ Keeper"

The Doctor looked around the submarine interior. All of the remaining minions, a dozen perhaps, were here. Everything else was gone, everything. All of his evil plans were gone.

"Lost… all is lost!"

As the submarine left the island parameter there was a heavily muffled sound of a large weapon exploding…

"There's nothing left. Minions! Gather round! After the demise of Dr Zoggy, Dr. Dragon and my cat Tooty, the Society of Abject Evilness is no more. It's time I reinvented myself…."

Doctor William T.D Keeper, evil genius, took a deep breath. This was to be a historical event for Evil Organisations everywhere…

"I shall form a new high-flying Evil Organisation! We'll be a group of super villains so strong that the world shall quiver at the mere mention of our name… but what should the name be?"

In the submarine, lit by dull red emergency lights, the minions all had ideas to suggest

"Sir, it should show that you're a mighty person"

"And something about your personality, hobbies or general style"

"And then finish it off with a plain and simple statement of what we are"

"Hmmm…" thought Dr. Keeper. After a few minutes, an idea clicked in his head. Everybody listened intently to hear evil's new name. "From here on, you are all part of a new and elite Evil Organisation… the Evil Ideological Organisation of… S.P.O.N.G.E"

There was a short silence. Two lackeys in the shadows spoke first, from somewhere at the back of the main room:

"Oh yes excellent name Doctor!" said one

"Good idea Lord Keeper!" said the other

The submarine eventually turned quiet. The evil organisation to which they belonged was reborn under a new name. They had left the last borders of the tropical island that had once been home. What lay in store for them now? Things were changing, and fast. And there was the name…

…S.P.O.N.G.E!

The island they left behind was a charred wreck. On that island, John Steele and Penny Isadore were sharing a romantic kiss on the beach while they waited for the Royal Navy helicopter to pick them up.

"So it begins…" said Keeper. "…The beginning of end! Mwa-haha! Mwa-haha!"

Gradually, all of the new S.P.O.N.G.E underlings joined in the laughter as well.

"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

**_MWA-HA-HA-HA! MWA-HA-HA-HA!_**

The submarine journeyed on, to find another location suitable for an Evil Genius' Underground Lair…

MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

_And that is how the Super Powered Occasionally Nerdy Gun-Toting Evil Doers began. Similar to a phoenix, it was born out of the ashes and the death of its predecessor. That's why Keeper choose a phoenix emblem for part of the S.P.O.N.G.E logo. It was to adorn floors, secret documents, armbands, badges and name tags._

_And now, I suppose this is where the opening sequence would begin._

_Cue the dancing silhouettes…_


End file.
